


Permanent Scars

by TotoroPirate



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, seblaine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-02
Updated: 2013-03-02
Packaged: 2017-12-04 01:55:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/705157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TotoroPirate/pseuds/TotoroPirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian and Blaine are finally having sex for the first time, and everything is going great, until Blaine calls Sebastian, Kurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Permanent Scars

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 'dasgaybleins' on tumblr. Cause you deserve all the nice things and hopefully this makes you smile. (Even though it's angsty as fuck and I still can't believe I wrote it.)

It was a quiet July afternoon. One more in a summer break stretched too long. Sebastian had spent the last few weeks in Blaine's house. Well, in Blaine's room, to be precise. It had been unexpected, but welcome. Sebastian smiled to himself as he stared at the ceiling, remembering all the time he'd spent wondering what it would be like to kiss Blaine Anderson. Well, now he knew what it was like, in fact he had decided it was his new favorite thing to do.

Blaine was lying next to Sebastian, with his head resting over his shoulder. They were quiet, only the faint sounds of their breathing could be heard. Their breaths were soft, calm, finally evening out, no longer heavy and erratic like they had been a couple of minutes ago when they'd broken away from their latest makeout session. 

It was a strange sort of routine they had fallen into. Blaine would invite Sebastian over to his house and they would spend hours together. First it had been just talking, but then they moved to lounging together in the couch, which inevitably turned into cuddling, and the cuddling eventually progressed into kissing. 

The first they would stay in the living room, on the couch, but lately they had been spending a lot of time in Blaine's bedroom, like now. They'd always start kissing steadily, languidly, but the proximity and the heat and both their hormones couldn't take that for long. Soon enough things would start to heat up, their kisses becoming desperate, hands roaming everywhere, bodies looking for friction. However, every time things were about to get further, Blaine would always start slowing down, and inevitably Sebastian would too.

 _It was okay, they had time,_  Sebastian kept telling himself. Because as much as the situation frustrated him in the beginning, he’d been okay with it because he didn't want to push Blaine. It was the first time Sebastian ever did something like this. The first time he would actually hold up for someone, because he genuinely wanted to make this  _-whatever this thing between them was-_  work. 

It was surreal enough as it was. Blaine had been the one to reach out to Sebastian, to reconnect at a time when Sebastian had given up on any sort of possibility of ever having anything with Blaine. So at this point things felt like a dream, and Sebastian feared if he did the smallest thing wrong, he would just wake up and everything would disappear.

Blaine shifted to his side, his head still on Sebastian's shoulder. When Sebastian looked down, he couldn't quite see Blaine's eyes, but he could tell they were open. He just stared for a few minutes that stretched too long, studying Blaine. He wasn't saying anything, but it was evident that Blaine was deep in thought. His body was curled up next to Sebastian, but he had a feeling that Blaine’s mind was elsewhere.

"Penny for your thoughts..." Sebastian said, and that made Blaine turn to look up at him. 

"Why?" Blaine said, brows creased together for a split second before quickly masked it with a bashful smile.

"You seem thoughtful, just wanna know what’s on your mind."

Blaine didn't say anything else, but Sebastian could tell his mind was still wandering. It bothered him, but Sebastian didn't say anything.  _Time, give it time_ , he'd say to himself. Blaine and him had been spending a lot of time together lately, and Sebastian didn't want to risk it by indulging his curiosity.

“I’m just thinking about… us.” Blaine says, but it sounds more like a question than an answer in itself.

“Us.” Sebastian repeats, waiting for Blaine to elaborate, but the shorter boy doesn’t say anything.

A few silent minutes pass and then Blaine shifts his head up to look at Sebastian. His cheeks were flush and his eyes a little lidded. They look into each other’s eyes for a second, and before Sebastian could even react Blaine was pushing himself up by his elbows, putting his hands on each side of Sebastian's face. Sebastian's breath hitched as Blaine put himself on top of him. Even though it was only his upper body covering him, it still overwhelmed him. 

He didn't say anything, and neither did Blaine. They just looked into each other's eyes for a few seconds before Blaine leaned down and kissed him softly.

"What do you want, Blaine?" Sebastian asked between kisses, voice almost a breathless whisper. 

Blaine hesitated for a second, eyes locked on Sebastian's eyes before moving down to his mouth and up to his eyes again.

"I want you." He finally says, and that was all Sebastian needed to hear.

He reached to put his hand on the back of Blaine's neck, pulling him down for another kiss, only this time it wasn't slow or chaste, but strong and eager. Blaine just said he wants him, and as vague as that statement is, it's enough to make Sebastian's head swim, because he wants him too. He's wanted Blaine for so,  _so long._

Sebastian won't say it out loud, but he doesn't need to. Sebastian knows he can tell Blaine how much he wants him with every touch of his hands against his skin, and every brush of his tongue inside his mouth.

Sebastian uses his right hand to trail his fingers through Blaine's hair, while the other one is sliding up and down his back, not quite daring to go below his waist but just teasing the skin that's exposed where Blaine's shirt's been untucked. Sebastian slips his hand under the fabric there, fingers exploring over Blaine's warm skin.  Suddenly Blaine breaks away from their kiss and Sebastian is disappointed, thinking he will start to back away to prevent their kiss from going any further, but is pleasantly surprised when Blaine puts his leg over him instead.

Before Sebastian can even process what is happening, Blaine is kissing him again, stronger and deeper than before as he puts the weight of his body over him. Blaine moves his body down against Sebastian's and he can't help the moan that escapes his mouth. He can feel himself getting impossibly hard and the fact that Blaine is now straddling him is just making things worse.

Worse in the best possible way, Sebastian decides, as he feels how Blaine nips and sucks his way down his neck, mouthing at the sensitive skin of his collarbone, hands grabbing onto his shoulders. Sebastian groans, reveling in the feeling of Blaine's wet mouth over his skin, and the warmth of his body against his own. He doesn't know how far they will get before Blaine starts backpedalling but he is determined to get the most out of this.

And so he takes both hands and slips them under Blaine's shirt, pulling it up until it's a tangled mess up on Blaine's back, right under his armpits. Sebastian's hands are frantic, caressing Blaine's back, venturing for the underside, touching his abs. Blaine sits back then, but he doesn't stop Sebastian. Instead he grabs his hands and guides them over to his chest, maintaining eye contact with him all the while.

Sebastian's hands are slowly tracing the lines of Blaine's chest, admiring the view in front of him as Blaine grabs his shirt and pulls it over his head. For a split second Sebastian is sure he can see a bit of hesitation in Blaine's eyes, but it disappears before he can truly see it. Next thing he knows Blaine is leaning back down and this time Sebastian sits up to meet Blaine halfway, cupping his face with his hands as their mouths collide before starting to pull his own shirt up.

Blaine helps him get the shirt off and then throws it aside.  _This is it_ , Sebastian realizes as their mouths meet again. They're not going to stop this time. He dares his hands to slide down to the swell of Blaine's ass, squeezing it and pulling Blaine down towards him, rutting their crotches together. When he gets a needy moan out of Blaine, Sebastian knows he's doing the right thing. Blaine wants this,  _Blaine wants him._ Sebastian can feel Blaine's erection through the fabric of his pants and smiles wickedly as he realizes Blaine is just as hard as he is.

Sebastian pushes Blaine back onto the bed, towering over him as they keep kissing desperately. He hears the sound of a zipper being opened and he realizes Blaine is undoing his own pants. Sebastian's hands reach down on instinct to remove Blaine's pants, pulling them off in a swift movement and then quickly reaching to undo his own.

From the corner of his eye Sebastian notices Blaine removed his underwear too and Sebastian doesn't even get to completely get his pants down his ankles before Blaine is pushing him down into the bed, kissing him fiercely.

Blaine is aggressive, a drastic change from the other times they have been together. Granted, they'd never gone this far, but Blaine's kissing is frantic and sloppy and even desperate as he straddles Sebastian. The second their cocks touch Sebastian feels like he is going to explode. He can feel the cool drip of precome on his skin and he's not sure if it's his or Blaine's. He needs more friction, and Blaine must sense it too because not a second later he is pushing his hips down on him again. The angle is weird and Blaine is moving over him, but it doesn't feel right.

Something's missing.

"Blaine... wait..." Sebastian tries. But Blaine shuts him up with another kiss, this time reaching down between them and grabbing both their cocks with his hand. Sebastian arches back, head falling against the pillow. Things are happening too fast and all at once. And even though part of him has wanted this for so long, a little part of him in the back of his head can't help but feel like things weren't supposed to go this way.

He takes a deep breath and then grabs Blaine by the waist, using his body to sit up and changing their positions in a quick movement. Now he has Blaine lying down on his back with a confused expression in his face and  _god_ , he looks so completely ravished. Lips swollen from their heavy kissing, pupils blown wide and his curls hanging loosely over his forehead. It’s the sexiest thing Sebastian has ever seen and he has to hold himself from just coming on the spot.

“Please…” Blaine pleads and Sebastian nods before leaning down and giving him a small peck on the lips. Blaine looks puzzled, but then Sebastian is trailing slow and tender kisses down his chest and to his stomach.

As turned on as he is, Sebastian wants to enjoy this, and he wants to do things his way. When Blaine starts sitting up Sebastian puts a hand on his chest and pushes him back down. “Let me… please?” He says and Blaine just gapes as Sebastian goes down on him, kneeling between his legs, grabbing his cock by the base and licking a stripe up the underside.

Blaine lets out a pained groan and Sebastian smiles before playfully teasing his mouth over the head. This is much better, Sebastian thinks to himself as he starts bobbing his head up and down Blaine’s length.

He keeps his ministrations going, turning Blaine into a panting and quivering mess. He has his fists curled up in the sheets of the bed and his breathing is erratic, legs curling over the bed as Sebastian keeps sucking and licking his cock.

“Sebastian…” Blaine says, panting, breathless, but Sebastian doesn’t stop. “Please… please!” Blaine pleads and Sebastian looks up, not removing his mouth from what he is doing but only looking up at Blaine who is now propped up on his elbows looking down at him.

“Tell me what you need.” Sebastian says and Blaine squirms from under him to reach towards the bedside table.

“I need you inside me…” Blaine says as he hands Sebastian a small bottle of lube and Sebastian reaches to his jeans to take out a condom.

_They’re really doing this. They’re going all the way. Holy shit._

Sebastian feels like the luckiest guy on the planet right now. He puts on the condom and slicks himself up while Blaine positions himself on the bed again, head against the pillows and legs spread, inviting Sebastian to lie between them.

Sebastian crawls up to kiss Blaine again and he looks so desperate and vulnerable that Sebastian can’t believe it. He feels overwhelmed and excited in a way that goes beyond the physical. He kisses Blaine tenderly as he reaches down between his legs and teases a finger between Blaine’s cheeks.

Blaine is eager and pushing down to the finger the second Sebastian pushes it in. Soon, Sebastian pushes another finger in and he can feel Blaine’s breath speeding up as they breathe into each other’s mouths. Sebastian looks down and removes his fingers, slicking his hand up before adding a third one. When he looks up at Blaine he has his head against the pillows, looking at the ceiling.

As Sebastian moves his 3 fingers inside him, Blaine’s moans get louder, and it almost sounds like Blaine is in pain. So Sebastian moves up to kiss him again, removing the arm Blaine had thrown over his eyes so he could look at him.

“Hey… Are you okay? Is this okay?” Sebastian asks, he feels confused for a while when he sees Blaine’s eyes shining with unshed tears.

Blaine says nothing just nods frantically and smiles weakly. “Yes… yes please just… do it, please hurry.”

Sebastian hesitates for a second, but then Blaine is wrapping his legs around his waist, lifting himself up and Sebastian decides to comply. Blaine is looking at him eagerly, all traces of uncertainty removed from his expression and replaced with hot desire. And so Sebastian lines himself up to Blaine’s entrance and starts pushing in, slowly and carefully until he is buried all the way to the hilt.

Blaine moans and drops his head onto the pillows. Sebastian breathes in, settling in the pressure of Blaine around him. It’s slow and hot and amazing. Sebastian drags himself out of Blaine slowly, careful to his reactions but continues when he sees Blaine seems to be completely lost in the sensations. His eyes are shut tightly and he is biting his lower lip as Sebastian slides slowly in and out of him.

Sebastian puts his arms on both sides of Blaine’s chest, searching for his mouth to kiss him but can’t when Blaine is panting loudly, muttering nonsense. So instead Sebastian settles for trailing kisses down his jaw and settling in his neck, sucking at the salty sweaty skin there as the picks up a faster pace.

“Faster… please… ugh…” Blaine begs and in that moment Sebastian completely loses himself. He sits up in a more vertical position so he can aim his thrusts up to hit Blaine’s prostrate.

“Oh god…” Sebastian exclaims, and he knows he is close, knows Blaine must be too, because he keeps screaming and panting, but as they’re both building up to their release…

“Oh god, god…  _Kurt!”_

Sebastian feels like cold water has been dropped on his head. For a split second he even thinks he might be hallucinating, but when he glances down at Blaine and sees the sheer panic in his eyes he knows it’s real.

_Blaine said Kurt’s name.  Blaine was thinking about Kurt while Sebastian was fucking him._

Sebastian feels like he is going to be sick. He pulls out of Blaine and crawls to the edge of the bed slowly; feeling like the room is suddenly closing up on him. Betrayal and hurt crash over him as he realizes what just happened. The room is dead silent, and Sebastian takes off the condom, dropping it to the floor and not caring about ruining Blaine’s carpet.

When Sebastian turns around, Blaine’s eyes are bloodshot, tears streaming down his face, as he covers his mouth with one of his hands. Like somehow he could make the words he uttered come back and never leave his mouth.

Blaine looks broken, ashamed, and terrified, but Sebastian can’t find it in him to feel bad for him. He just looks at him and shakes his head. It all makes sense now. Blaine was only using him to get over Kurt and Sebastian was stupid enough to think it meant something else.

The realization hurts, and Sebastian feels the nausea threatening to take over. He breathes heavily, in and out; no longer because of his previous arousal, which is now forgotten as his dick hangs limp between his legs. He’s never felt so used and worthless in his life.

And so he stands up and reaches for his clothes, ignoring Blaine as he starts apologizing meekly.

“Sebastian, I’m so sorry… I just… Please don’t go.”

By the time Blaine managed to utter that pathetic attempt at an apology, Sebastian was already zipping up his jeans and searching for his t-shirt. Blaine scrambles towards the floor and puts on his previously discarded boxer.

When he walks over to where Sebastian is putting on his socks and tries to touch Sebastian, the taller boy flinches away like the touch burned him.

“Don’t-“ Is all Sebastian manages to say, not trusting his voice not to betray him when he feels like he might break down any moment.

“Seb please… just let me explain-“

“There’s nothing to explain Blaine.” Sebastian says flatly, because he knows it’s true. All the little things that he had been trying to ignore for the past few days make sense now. Blaine being lost in thought from time to time, his refusal to share what he was thinking, the sudden sadness that Sebastian could see in his eyes from time to time. And of course, the desperation which Blaine had jumped with into bed with Sebastian that day.

“It’s always been Kurt, hasn’t it?”

Blaine looks hopelessly miserable, “No, it’s over between us… I don’t know why I sai-“

“Because you still love him!” Sebastian cuts him off, raising his voice and startling Blaine.

“You want him, but you can’t have him anymore… so you were using me instead. Weren’t you?” Sebastian accuses, hating the way his voice finally cracked and the way his eyes sting with the tears he can no longer hold back.

He hastily wiped the single tear that escaped his eye, before putting his t-shirt back on.

Blaine is crying now, with his hands in his face, propped with his elbows resting on his knees, but he doesn’t say anything else. Sebastian understands the silence though. Blaine can’t say anything because he knows Sebastian is right. And as much as all this hurts, at least Sebastian is thankful that Blaine doesn’t keep lying to him. He’s done enough of that up until that point, after all, and Sebastian is not sure for how long he can manage to keep it together.

His chest hurts, his throat feels raw and his legs feel like they’re gonna give up on him any minute. He just really needs to get out of there.

So Sebastian puts on his shoes, the silence in the room suffocating him with each second that passes. All he can hear are the defeated sounds of Blaine sniffling.

Sebastian walks towards the door and this time, Blaine doesn’t try to stop him. Just before leaving he turns back to the bed, sparing one last glance at Blaine. Their eyes meet, and in that moment Blaine might as well have stabbed him in the chest, because it would have hurt just as much.

 

\---

_‘This is more than goodbye. When I look into your eyes, you’re not even there.’_


End file.
